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Chapter One My Best Friend
The best and most beautiful things in the world can't be seen Intimacy is a closeness with another person that is heart to heart. It is experienced with someone with whom we have the same dreams, desires, hopes and longings. This kindred spirit forges an ease of baring one's soul to each other. It allows a bond to grow between two people that goes beyond words, and in that closeness there is an understanding and acceptance that are both healing and freeing. In this intimacy, there are no hoops to jump through to gain approval. We are loved just the way we are. There is an amazing strength and comfort in just being with each other. It is a place of safety. A refuge from the problems of life. In this haven we can be honest about our struggles, our moments of personal weakness and the failures we hide from others. We actually must be this vulnerable for the intimacy to continue. There are no barriers that we can afford to put up to keep our close friend at a distance. We hide behind walls with so many people, but in an intimate friendship we can't hide. This emotional honesty is so critical that if we withdraw, our kindred friend feels compelled to let us know and help us back into the transparency. In an intimate relationship there is a give and take of love, encouragement, input, listening, caring, reassuring and affection. There is a mutual supportiveness of each other's dreams and desires. It isn't about one person being cared about, being fulfilled or reaching for their dream. This depth of friendship is about two people getting behind each other and both of them laying down their lives for the other person. In response to this unselfish supportiveness, we are encouraged to become all that we can become. We discover courage that didn't know we have, and a capacity to take risks that we haven't dared to take. We are able to be this courageous because we know we are not facing life alone. We are now secure that there is a faithful someone who will be there for us, no matter what. After I wrote down all these thoughts, I asked Barry to explain what the intimacy in our relationship means to him. "I am totally comfortable with you," he responded, after giving my question some thought. "I can be myself with you. I enjoy being with you. It takes away stress and problems when I am in your presence." My thoughts instantly flashed back to an evening several years ago when we were sitting across from each other in a quiet restaurant. Both of us were exhausted and feeling seriously battered by some difficult challenges we were facing. I was concerned about Barry. He looked pale. Deep lines creased his face and aged his countenance. We began to chat as we always do and speak freely of whatever was on our hearts. There were also moments when we sat together in an easy silence. Ten minutes passed by and suddenly I realized that Barry's color was normal, the lines on his face had relaxed and he looked more like himself. There was even the familiar tease in his eyes. "What happened, Barry?" I blurted out in surprise. "You look so different from just a few minutes ago." "I feel better just because I have been with you," was his unforgettable response. Many times since the night in that restaurant, Barry and I have experienced this same impact whenever we set aside time to just be in each other's presence. An intimate relationship is also a forever kind of friendship that endures the test of time and weathers the inevitable changes and seasons of life. It withstands those changes like a mighty oak because the closeness goes so deep that it has an indestructible quality. This depth of intimacy protects a relationship during the tumultuous storms of life when otherwise they could easily be shattered. Such an enduring quality turns you into best friends. I remember well the day when Barry and I first became each other's closest friend. Two weeks after we began to know each other, Barry asked me to go out for dessert with him. Over a piece of pie we had a delightful, easy time talking. Being a friendly, inquisitive person, I asked Barry a question about his life. I immediately could tell that I had misjudged how comfortable he felt about opening up to me. "I don't know you well enough to talk about that," he explained, and I quickly changed the subject. It actually wasn't a question that was all that invasive, but Barry is a very private man and he is slow to be vulnerable with anyone. Like me, he also had painful previous relationships and this made him even more reluctant to talk about his life with me. The following morning at church he shocked me. "I'm ready to talk and answer that question you asked me last night," Barry said, as he walked up to me after the Sunday morning service. An hour later we sat under a tree in a park and he poured out his innermost thoughts to me. I have marveled many times about his amazing willingness to let me into his heart so quickly. The longer I have known Barry, the more I have realized that his openness to me that afternoon was a miracle. It was also a turning point for both of us. A friendship between us was born that would change our lives forever. We were married in May of 1991. On Christmas Eve of 1995, I turned out all the lights, lit my favorite candles, and Barry and I sat close together on the floor in front of our fireplace. The tree next to us glowed with Christmas lights that looked like hundreds of sparkling stars. Barry gave me a red envelope and tucked away in it was this letter:
Ruth, I want to thank you for being my wife Then with a knowing smile, Barry handed me a simply wrapped package, and inside was a small plaque that said… Happiness is being married to your best friend. This gift is one of my most priceless treasures. It hangs in a prominent place on a wall in our living room. Whenever I glance over at this simple, humble present, I am reminded that I have been given a gift that no amount of money could buy because I am married to my best friend. Since that day in the park many years ago, our souls and spirits have become so intertwined that now neither of us can imagine life without the other. Through the years Barry's love has also opened up to me a new understanding into the Father's heart. His kindness has shown me the face of God as never before. Much of what you are about to read in this book has come from the inspiration I have received through my husband, Barry. Through the love of this very special man, I have realized in a new and deeper way that the closeness of our friendship is exactly the kind of intimate relationship that God wants to experience with us. I will explain what I mean by that amazing statement in the chapters that follow. Now my prayer is that the Lord will use these writings to have a life-changing impact on friendships and marriages, and that they will liberate both men and women to freely enter a life of intimacy with God.. |
